i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize