Kiss
Puke
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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