Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
