I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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