I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I FOUND THE LEGS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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