There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
