no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
