I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
