I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In America we eat man semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
