My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
