"it" just moved
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
