Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
