just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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