I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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