Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
