i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize