Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize