Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize