Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
