he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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