so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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