I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
