Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
