this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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