i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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