Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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