Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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