my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
