The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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