He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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