Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
