If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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