You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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