call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
