The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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