Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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