Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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