What a fucking waste of an outfit
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
