PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize