If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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