Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
