...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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