I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
