So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
two words: eviction party
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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