I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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