Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
