i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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