I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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