my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
