Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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