i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
