You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
