Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize