I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
