this boner is exhausting
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Are my feet made of real feet?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
