Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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