in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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