At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
