oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
