someone threw a dead crab at me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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