Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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