the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
