Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
