If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
