so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
