i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
