meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
