I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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