He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
