he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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