We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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