i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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