Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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