You surviving the open bar?
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I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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