Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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