im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
