she was so not down for the gang bang
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
