Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
