he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
