just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
